That includes looking after the needs (for loud or quiet) of a spouse and the relational needs of kids at different stages of development.

Hospitality with people you don’t know well is always more intensive ie, yo gotta do more to construct the space, conversation, the time that will be spent etc. With people you know really well, all things being equal, they’ll get up at some point and make themselves a cuppa instead of waiting for you to make it – it’s at that point that the house is literally a shared space.

Different reasons to do different stuff with different people.

Does it have to be this hard? I wonder why it is? Are we too busy looking for THE answer to a question with multiple answers?

Thanks heaps, luv ya

(got the hang of it!)

We certainly don’t invite people over every night, but our home is open for people to come over every night. Although we do have people living with us (and have created an alternative space for them to use as they see fit), we are not actively seeking to fill our space with people at all times. What are doing however, is seeking to maintain a space with an atmosphere of humility, authenticity, joy, celebration…. ultimately a space where the peace of God reigns.

Now, as you know, any space with young kids will often present more as a place of chaos and constant noise (until bedtime anyway ) But, this is where the “don’t expect me to be perfect” value comes in. We are who we are, and you are welcome to be who you right alongside us, if you should choose to do so.

The way we try to maintain/protect such a space is two fold:
1. We can only truly love others to the degree that we truly love ourselves. Therefore, centering on God and his love for us allows us to better love ourselves and others, as well as being in a position to receive love from others.

2. We can only offer an open house if we are often home – which can only happen if we are not often absent / busy. This has been one of the most challenging yet satisfying things we have had to wrestle with over the past 3 years since leaving the life of working full-time in a big church. We choose to be very un-busy. This means we spend most nights at home – sometimes with people, sometimes not… but the door is open if needed.

Allie, I know you won’t get the wrong impression because you know us well, but others might think we are claiming to be totally centred, highly spiritual, deeply sacrificial – martyrs. May others be assured, much of what I am describing is our heart’s desire and well and truly “under constant construction”

btw – i do think a dominant “version” of hospitality that we personally have been sold in the past is one that is not helpful – ie, the one of the perfect host who has to do everything with excellence, because “excellence inspires people and honours God”. Personally I think this has got knobs all over it and is a way we justify trying to one-up each other with outrageous displays of exuberance and self-indulgence (ahhhhhh the days of VIP rooms and $500 blocks of Margaret River chocolate? )

have fun

I guess this discussion is revolving around what constitutes proper hospitality. I am appreciating what Matt is saying in that hospitality is making our space available for people to be who they are. And, I suppose there is a discipline in receiving hospitality as well. Are we accepting a person’s generosity because we appreciate the person or because we expect the fatted calf?

Consider the story of Jesus visiting Mary and Martha’s house. Martha was busy making preparations and Mary was spending time with Jesus. In my view, there was nothing wrong with Martha making preparations. But, Martha became so concerned with the preparations that she forgot what she was making preparations for. She had a guest in her home. What made matters worse in her mind was that her flatmate Mary didn’t have her priorities. So, after some time for her frustration to build up, she barked at her guest to scold Mary into helping with those important preparations. Jesus’ response?

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

This has been a good thread for me to read since hospitality is such a vital component of discipleship in the suburbs. Here is a serious question (serious because I’m not sure) for Hamo, otherendup and all the others participating in this thread. In the context of this story, what does Jesus mean by the “one thing”?

So can I ask you another question Matty, do you take responsibility for creating a safe space, a refuge within your home? Or do you hope it just happens? Or is it up to whoever is there at the time? Can you take responsibility without taking ownership (in the possessive sense)? Or do we need to drop all these kind of expectations of each other? But then how do we protect the refuge? Would love to hear how you see it. x

People are pretty cluey – they can work out pretty quickly whether they feel safe or not in someone else’s house/space. For example, I doubt you returned often to the sort of houses you referred to.

An open home without an open heart is just a cold dwelling – far from the sort of safe space I’m talking about.

As you know, people come through our house like it was fitted with some sort of revolving door Our desire is that people would feel safe enough to be themselves – warts and all, and part of encouraging that sort of place, we also need to drop our own masks and efforts to be the perfect hosts all the time. This has been challenging – more so for me than Tam, as I wrestle with the need to be needed .

We simply try to live in a way that speaks – “you are welcome to share our space as your own” (Mi casa es tu casa – My home is your home). This means we dream of people feeling safe enough to simply “be” – kind of like they would if they were in their own home behind closed doors – where all the social games we often play in front of each other, stop for a moment – a kind of oasis / refuge.

I think we’re saying the same thing though aren’t we????