It’s been a week…

This morning around 2.00am mum took her final breath and that followed on the heels of dad just 4 days previous. Two parents gone in the space of a few days. And while it’s what we have been hoping and praying for – the end of suffering – it’s still a wrench. Mum had very advanced dementia and was losing even the capacity to eat. It had been 9 or 10 years of the fog settling on her and then slowly taking away what was once a razor sharp mind.

On Friday morning she was deemed in need of morphine and end of life procedures and we knew the end was close. The trip to Busso for Ellie’s birthday got cancelled as it all looked inevitable. While dad I only got to see in the unconscious drugged state, mum I got to see Friday morning before the morphine hit. I had a short time with her and was able to look in her weak eyes as they seemed to lock on to mine and tell her what a beautiful woman she was and how much I loved her – what a wonderful mother and grandmother she had been and how much she would be missed. I was able to assure her she would see my brother Steve, my son Sam and her husband George very soon – and of course Jesus… I prayed for her, read a Psalm and then hugged her one last time.

Dad left us on Wednesday evening around 10.00pm shortly after we had been in to say our goodbyes. Dad’s mind was in the early stages of unravelling and he was slowly losing his grip on reality. It had only been 5 or 6 months of real significant deterioration but it was clear that he was going to really struggle with the confusion. So while mum lived for many years with dementia, dad was fortunate enough to have a brief experience of it.

If you have watched your parents decline and enter the dementia stage then you’d know the bittersweet relief of seeing them finally at peace.

In all of this my wife Danelle has been amazing in her unfailing love for both of them. To be frank – I could understand it with mum as she has always held her near and they have had a beautiful relationship. Dad has been very difficult at times and harder to love. But Danelle kept going back and caring for him and giving to him. So this marks the end of a very significant part of her life and I know that while there will be relief there will also be deep loss.

So it’s been a bit of an emotional cyclone this week as we process all this. But to be able to know one day we will see one another again in heaven / the new creation is a hope that just gets stronger every time another close one dies.

If you have never read Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 15 then here is a small snippet of what he says. It is the assurance and hope that the best is yet to come. Go here to read the whole chapter.

²⁰ But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. ²¹ For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. ²² For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. ²³ But each in turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him

We will be having a joint memorial service for them at their old home church, Scarborough Baptist- time TBA.

Have you noticed those signs that you see at the doctors, the post office, the servo, the dentist?… In fact they are popping up everywhere. They say something like this ‘please treat our staff with respect. Bad language and aggression will not be tolerated.’

They never used to be there. I remember a time when those signs didn’t exist. When we somehow knew intuitively that you didn’t take out your anger on the staff behind the desk or the lady on the end of the phone. Teachers shouldn’t have to worry about violence when they call a meeting with parents to discuss why their child has been suspended, but now there may be another staff member or some form of security nearby.

Something has shifted in the social fabric of our world. I’m guessing it’s not just Australia where this is a problem, but probably the western world predominantly where we seem to feel like we are entitled to vent our anger if things don’t go our way. (My hunch is developing world people don’t do this so much – they are used to long queues and things not going their way)

Similarly I don’t think road rage was at the level it was 30 years ago either. Someone would beep their horn in frustration at a bad lane change and the person in front would raise their hands as if to say ‘gimme a break – I’ve had a hard day’. Now you don’t beep the horn just in case there is a psychopath in front of you ready to pull across the road, stop traffic and come for you.

Is there a reason we have devolved to these kinds of responses?

Yeah sin. I get that. But it’s not like sin is new. Is there something going on in the world that has made us more edgy, more prone to snap? Australia was known for it’s anti-authority tone, but that was when our soldiers wouldn’t salute officers – not when they used office workers for punching bags.

Whatever the deal, this is one of those places where the people of God get a chance to shine. If you want to make a small difference in the world then choose to turn the tide by reversing the flow of energy. Every time you enter a building with one of those signs, chances are someone behind the desk may be a little on edge – because let’s face it – the sign doesn’t stop those kinds of people.

So rather than being neutral in tone, choose to be warm, kind and friendly. Not weird and overbearing. Just imagine that you have the capacity to make a difference with your tone and every opportunity you get be ‘that guy’ or ‘that girl’ who staff are glad to see because you allow them to breath and to enjoy their job once again.

And if you happen to be a Christian – but you are also one of those people for whom those signs have been created – then look yourself in the eye in the mirror and tell yourself to pull your finger out and stop it.