Quite literally.

Not a euphermism… I am lucky to be alive.

Yesterday as I drove home from a friend’s funeral I began to feel weary. My eyes felt heavy and I knew I needed to concentrate more to drive safely. I felt like this for about 20 minutes, but on Old Yanchep Road and just 15 minutes from home, I thought to myself ‘just focus and you will be there in no time.’

Then I woke up in the oncoming lane at 90kmph, driving towards the embankment on the other side of the road. Fortunately there was no oncoming traffic, but my sleepy brain had to immediately engage and figure out what to do next. I feel like some form of ‘auto-pilot’ took over and guided me down the sandy embankment where I drove parallel to the road through soft sand and long grass. I mowed down one plastic road marker before hitting the brakes on some limestone.

It took all of 3 seconds, and I came out ok, but it could have been so much different. Had there been oncoming traffic I could have caused a terrible accident, had there been a steeper embankment or a large tree in the way I may have rolled or crashed the car.

I know. I could have died…

And yet somehow I managed to avoid all potential catastrophe and simply finish up with some limestone dust on my car from the sharp stop.

With adrenalin levels at max, I drove the rest of the way home with no trouble, but the moment has stuck with me. I’m sure I’m not alone when I think of myself as able to ‘ride out’ a bout of tiredness and able to rise above it, but in that moment I realised that whatever capacity I either had (or thought I had) definitely doesn’t exist. If I am tired I need to pull over and have a snooze. And it’s not a 61 year old thing – it’s a human thing. I remember driving home from surfing trips to Lancelin when I was 18 or 19. We would leave home at 5am, surf 2 or 3 times then grab a pie and a donut and head for home. I regularly pushed thru food coma exhaustion to get home, when it would have been wiser to just stop and close my eyes for 30 minutes.

With 2 recent funerals and death already feeling a little too present at the moment in our lives, I shudder to think the impact another loss would have on our family and our close friends.

So this is me saying, ‘from now on I stop and sleep – or change drivers if that is a possibility.’

——-

Of course it does raise some interesting questions around ‘how life works.’ Was I lucky? Was it ‘not my time?’… Was God protecting me? And if he was then ‘why me and not my son?’ Or why me and not kids in Palestine? And do we even have a ‘pre-determined time’ when we are going to check out? (FWIW I don’t believe so)

It seems a bit ‘un-christian’ to speak of a thing such as ‘luck’. Maybe chance is a better word for our context. Feel better with that?..

I feel like I was very ‘lucky’ to escape an event like that completely untouched. By chance there happened to be no one else on the road, and no solid obstacles to navigate on the embankment.

So, was I lucky?… fortunate?… blessed?… protected?…

Choose your descriptor based on your world view and theology.

It may surprise you that I choose ‘lucky’, but I believe there is a certain amount of randomness in life. I don’t see everything as pre-determined and scripted. We get to make real choices and I made a bad one yesterday.

‘Opportunities are real’ as Greg Boyd says. Yesterday I misjudged my capacity to stay alert and safe – that was my choice. And it could have been quite disastrous, but luckily it wasn’t…

How do you feel about ‘luck’? I tend to associate luck with Chinese Fortune Cookies or other things I can’t take seriously. But I also feel like there is an element of ‘luck’ to our lives… If you are a long term God botherer like me then an ‘element of unpredictability’ probably feels more theologically orthodox, but I wonder if it’s just the same thing in slightly different language….

That said, having been ‘lucky’ once I am not about to risk it again.

‘What are you up to these days?

A common question and one I answer with the simple phrase, ‘semi-retired’, which seems to be the simplest (and most easily understood in our culture) way of saying that I have time to do the things I really want to do and am spending less time in the spaces where I feel constrained or where I am labouring.

And one of the things I do is ‘eldering’ – nothing formal or organised – just the simple act of being available to those who are younger and wanting to move forward in life, mission and ministry. I tossed up pursuing ‘supervision training’ with a view to doing some of that work, but I feel like this ‘eldering’ space is where I fit best. I’m not sure if ‘eldering’ is an actual word yet, but I know the concept is out there both in Christian culture and beyond.

What’s the difference between eldering and supervision/coaching ? Ok – so it’s unpaid – and in saying that I never want to devalue my own time or the time of the people I connect with. I definitely don’t chase people to connect. Eldering is much more like friendship than a coach/supervisor/ role – perhaps even like ‘fathering’ – just being available and willing to show up with the other person’s needs in mind while knowing that in the process of helping them I also find joy.

We sold our retic business around 3 years ago now and for the first 4 or 5 months I would take daily calls from Sam, the new owner, just asking for tech support, or advice on how to manage a job. That was all part of the deal and I was happy to help this young man get up and running in a new field. He was also serving as a youth pastor in his local church so I was keen to help him ponder how that interacted with the business. One day he called and after we had been talking for 15 minutes or so I decided to cut to the chase, ‘So – What are we talking about today then?’ I wanted to get to the tech question that he had called for. When he replied and said ‘just life’, I realised we were operating in a different space.

Since then we have caught up around once a month and chatted about ‘life’. Sometimes it’s business ruminations, sometimes it’s ministry, other times its personal. Mostly it’s a mix of all of the above and I have found it a real joy to stand alongside this very gifted young man and help him with ‘life’ as he moves thru his 20’s and seeks to surrender to God and live meaningfully.

There are plenty of others, some just a one off coffee and conversation, while others have become genuine friendships – people I love and pray for often. 

I guess I could ‘monetise’ this stuff, but I really don’t want to. I think there is something ‘rich’ in simply being an old bloke with something to offer and being willing to give it at no financial cost. 

And I’m not blowing my own trumpet there, as it’s not like I have queues of people at my door or anything like that – but I do have meaningful, ongoing relationships with younger men who have somehow resonated with my approach to life / mission / ministry.

Often when people ask to catch up it starts with ‘I know you are very busy, but would you have time?…’ I usually begin by gently correcting them. ‘No I’m actually not very busy.’ It’s mostly my choice as to how ‘busy’ I choose to be and over the years I have got better at attaining a healthy balance. So chances are I will have time – maybe even in the same week… However that depends on surf conditions, so check ‘seabreeze.com.au‘ first 🙂

About 18 months ago a man came to see me who I didn’t know at all. He was an older man, (older than me) – mid 70’s and contacted me thru the church’s webpage. I knew who he was, as he had been an associate pastor at a nearby church when I was a youth pastor. In his contact he mentioned that he was ‘bivocational’, so I assumed he wanted to discuss some stuff in that field.

After about 15 minutes of preliminary chatter he said ‘I guess you’re wondering why I’m here?’ 

‘I thought you had come here to discuss some stuff from the book – no?’

‘No – I haven’t read your book. I came here because I had a vision about you.’

‘Me?… really?…’ (That’s weird I am thinking – but ‘interesting’ weird)

‘So I thought I’d come and share it with you if you’d like to hear it.’

‘Well – yeah – sure… Can’t say this has happened before so I’m curious.’

The man went on to share a vision he had experienced while he was praying. I won’t write it all down here, and then he finished by giving me a book titled ‘Fathering Leaders – Motivating Mission’. He told me it was about apostolic leadership and I might be interested.

I shared his vision with a few discerning friends, but there was no consensus as to what it may have meant. I read the book and again it was ok, but not new information. I was wondering and praying ‘what do I take away from this bizarre experience?’ Surely if God spoke to someone and they have felt it worth driving up to Yanchep, then there must be something important here?

I still have no clarity around the vision – but the one thing I did take away was the title of the book. While it wasn’t a riveting read, I felt the title described succinctly where my heart is and much of what I hope for this ‘home straight’ of life – to be fathering leaders and motivating mission. And that takes me back to the role of ‘eldering’ and being present to help younger leaders reflect on their lives and what the Spirit may be saying to them. If I can do that effectively then the next 20 years will have been well spent.