A Case For Capital Punishment (in primary schools)

I used to be able to
make a year 7 boy cry at 50 paces with a glare. I used to be able to approach
them and feel the ground move as they trembled” see the fear in their eyes” see
that fear forming a small puddle on the ground at their feet”

Those days have gone”
and the world is a worse place for it.

Now when it comes to
disciplining kids at school, teachers have virtually no power and students know
it. When a year 7 boy steps out of line I must call him over and speak to him
about his inappropriate behaviour. He will stroll slowly over and let me know
that he is being inconvenienced…

If I give him
a verbal reprimand he will stand and take it until he knows I am finished
and then in a totally unaffected way will ask ‘can I go now?…’ If he offends
again I will speak to him again and possibly give him a ‘yellow slip’ or the
equivalent piece of paper. He will shrug his shoulders and see it as a minor
drama in his day.

After three of these he
may be suspended – loose translation = he gets a couple of days of school.
Hmmm” I’m sure that bothers him.

It’s a sad old world
when the kids run the school, because discipline has died in the arse.

But I have a solution”
I say introduce capital punishment to primary schools and give each classroom
teacher the power to discipline at will. I believe this is the only foolproof
way of ensuring that behaviour improves and of arresting the decline in
standards we see around us.

I’d like to see the
face on the little darlings when you call them over for discipline and quietly
let them know that there are no first warnings now. It’s straight to the
electric chair, or a public be-heading for swearing. Maybe for ease of
management we could have a set of gallows installed on the oval next to the
cricket nets. Anyone deliberately hitting the ball out of the nets would be
disciplined quickly and easily.

While the chair would
be the primary mode of discipline (cheap, quick, failsafe) I would probably prefer
to use lethal injections on children I like, while saving firing squads, and
public stonings for some of the worst offenders.

I reckon it would clean
things up a bit.

I imagine a kid would
think twice before ignoring instructions or forgetting his sports uniform if he
knew his life depended on it, if he knew that he might not ever go out to play again. I think they’d learn quickly too. Make
an example of one or two of them and the rest would get the idea. And think
what it would do for high school teachers! These kids would never put a foot
wrong. By the end of year 7 they would be model students and high school
teaching would be a breeze.

I grant there might be
a little parental concern at first, but I’m sure once the parents realised that
it was actually in the best interests of the kids they would get behind any
school that implemented a zero tolerance capital punishment policy.

Just think” no more
rude kids, no more yellow slips, no more record keeping and paper work, just
straight to ‘sparky’ and seeyalater.

I reckon it could give
a whole new dimension to each school’s MSB (Managing Student Behaviour)
procedures. I think its long overdue reform. Don’t bring back the cane… just introduce the electric chair and watch things  change.

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