Time for a touch of humour. If you’re an American then this will probably make absolutely no sense whatsoever!

You know you’re Australian if…..

1. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

2. You think it’s normal to have a leader called Kevin.

3. When you hear that an American “roots for his team” you wonder how often and with whom.

4. You pronounce Melbourne as “Mel-bin”.

5. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

6. You call your best friend “a total bastard” but someone you really, truly despise is just “a bit of a bastard”.

7. You think “Woolloomooloo” is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

8. You’re secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

9. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin.

10. You understand that “Wagga Wagga” can be abbreviated to “Wagga” but “Woy Woy” can’t be called “Woy”.

11. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

12. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels’ song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

13. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

14. You still don’t get why the “Labor” in “Australian Labor Party” is not spelt with a “u”.

15. You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them.

16. You understand that “excuse me” can sound rude, while “scuse me” is always polite.

17. You understand that “you” has a plural and that it’s “youse”.

18. You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

19. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

20. You still think of Kylie as “that girl off Neighbours”.

21. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs – just in case you’re trying to sneak in fruit.

22. You believe the phrase “smart casual” refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered. (Danelle would say this one is for me…)

23. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

24. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

25. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

26. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government’s new test for migrants.

27. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says “cobber”.

28. And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

(from The Sydney Morning Herald , Australia Day, Jan 26, 2008).pinocchio divx download