‘What are you up to these days?

A common question and one I answer with the simple phrase, ‘semi-retired’, which seems to be the simplest (and most easily understood in our culture) way of saying that I have time to do the things I really want to do and am spending less time in the spaces where I feel constrained or where I am labouring.

And one of the things I do is ‘eldering’ – nothing formal or organised – just the simple act of being available to those who are younger and wanting to move forward in life, mission and ministry. I tossed up pursuing ‘supervision training’ with a view to doing some of that work, but I feel like this ‘eldering’ space is where I fit best. I’m not sure if ‘eldering’ is an actual word yet, but I know the concept is out there both in Christian culture and beyond.

What’s the difference between eldering and supervision/coaching ? Ok – so it’s unpaid – and in saying that I never want to devalue my own time or the time of the people I connect with. I definitely don’t chase people to connect. Eldering is much more like friendship than a coach/supervisor/ role – perhaps even like ‘fathering’ – just being available and willing to show up with the other person’s needs in mind while knowing that in the process of helping them I also find joy.

We sold our retic business around 3 years ago now and for the first 4 or 5 months I would take daily calls from Sam, the new owner, just asking for tech support, or advice on how to manage a job. That was all part of the deal and I was happy to help this young man get up and running in a new field. He was also serving as a youth pastor in his local church so I was keen to help him ponder how that interacted with the business. One day he called and after we had been talking for 15 minutes or so I decided to cut to the chase, ‘So – What are we talking about today then?’ I wanted to get to the tech question that he had called for. When he replied and said ‘just life’, I realised we were operating in a different space.

Since then we have caught up around once a month and chatted about ‘life’. Sometimes it’s business ruminations, sometimes it’s ministry, other times its personal. Mostly it’s a mix of all of the above and I have found it a real joy to stand alongside this very gifted young man and help him with ‘life’ as he moves thru his 20’s and seeks to surrender to God and live meaningfully.

There are plenty of others, some just a one off coffee and conversation, while others have become genuine friendships – people I love and pray for often. 

I guess I could ‘monetise’ this stuff, but I really don’t want to. I think there is something ‘rich’ in simply being an old bloke with something to offer and being willing to give it at no financial cost. 

And I’m not blowing my own trumpet there, as it’s not like I have queues of people at my door or anything like that – but I do have meaningful, ongoing relationships with younger men who have somehow resonated with my approach to life / mission / ministry.

Often when people ask to catch up it starts with ‘I know you are very busy, but would you have time?…’ I usually begin by gently correcting them. ‘No I’m actually not very busy.’ It’s mostly my choice as to how ‘busy’ I choose to be and over the years I have got better at attaining a healthy balance. So chances are I will have time – maybe even in the same week… However that depends on surf conditions, so check ‘seabreeze.com.au‘ first 🙂

About 18 months ago a man came to see me who I didn’t know at all. He was an older man, (older than me) – mid 70’s and contacted me thru the church’s webpage. I knew who he was, as he had been an associate pastor at a nearby church when I was a youth pastor. In his contact he mentioned that he was ‘bivocational’, so I assumed he wanted to discuss some stuff in that field.

After about 15 minutes of preliminary chatter he said ‘I guess you’re wondering why I’m here?’ 

‘I thought you had come here to discuss some stuff from the book – no?’

‘No – I haven’t read your book. I came here because I had a vision about you.’

‘Me?… really?…’ (That’s weird I am thinking – but ‘interesting’ weird)

‘So I thought I’d come and share it with you if you’d like to hear it.’

‘Well – yeah – sure… Can’t say this has happened before so I’m curious.’

The man went on to share a vision he had experienced while he was praying. I won’t write it all down here, and then he finished by giving me a book titled ‘Fathering Leaders – Motivating Mission’. He told me it was about apostolic leadership and I might be interested.

I shared his vision with a few discerning friends, but there was no consensus as to what it may have meant. I read the book and again it was ok, but not new information. I was wondering and praying ‘what do I take away from this bizarre experience?’ Surely if God spoke to someone and they have felt it worth driving up to Yanchep, then there must be something important here?

I still have no clarity around the vision – but the one thing I did take away was the title of the book. While it wasn’t a riveting read, I felt the title described succinctly where my heart is and much of what I hope for this ‘home straight’ of life – to be fathering leaders and motivating mission. And that takes me back to the role of ‘eldering’ and being present to help younger leaders reflect on their lives and what the Spirit may be saying to them. If I can do that effectively then the next 20 years will have been well spent.