There are days when you think “I am just not cutting it.”
This week has been ‘one of those days’
Danelle left for Bali last Friday night and I have been trying to cover all of my paid roles as well as being dad to the kids and preparing a sermon in my ‘spare time’ while she has been gone. This is one of those weeks where I have to say ‘nope – didn’t cut it’.
Before the compassionate among you hit the ‘comment’ button and tell me how nice I am, (like you really
know me!) I should add that this isn’t a cry for attention or a moment of self pity!
I think sometimes we just don’t do what we are supposed to do and we need to accept that. Apart from 2 solid days of landscaping work I have been facilitating an acom class for another 2 days as well as another day of meetings. In between I have been looking after the kids and then in between ‘in between times’ I have been preparing a sermon.
A long time ago I learnt that I am pretty good with people so long as I am not under stress and strain. Then I defer to ‘get the job mode’ and can be short, sharp and very directive. Its felt like that this week.
I’m not sure if the kids have been any more chaotic than usual, but I have found myself regularly irritable and grumpy because they just don’t move fast enough, or because they ‘behave like children’. I have important ‘adult’ stuff to do and they drag their feet.
I haven’t been in this place for a long time now. I really did learn that I am a bastard when stressed so i stopped getting stressed – worked less – created more space – but this week has reminded me that the ‘bastard’ is alive and well if I allow him the space to operate.
I will be really glad to have Danelle back tomorrow as I feel like I need a break from the non stop attention required by kids. I also need to get my head around a sermon for Sunday and so far I don’t feel like I’m close to being satisfied with it.
Today as I was laying turf I was reflecting on the task of being a single mum or dad and I could only imagine the difficulty that must bring. A week is usually long enough for me…