Ok so there’s a word that didn’t exist before Facebook… but now it needs no explanation.

I was a reluctant facebooker and avoided it for a couple of years before finally conceding that I might benefit from it. I have days when I find it really valuable and days when my mouse hovers over ‘delete account’ as I consider getting out of it altogether.

I used to have a pretty ‘open’ policy on friends. I recognise some people read my blog and want to connect via facebook so even if I didn’t know you personally I would accept the friend request. That has changed however and now if I don’t actually know you I am most likely going to hit ‘ignore’.

The friend requests that irk me the most are those from people I have no knowledge of whatsover, but when I look at their page I see 2435 friends. I feel like I am becoming ‘friend fodder’ for a fragile ego. Then there are those whose common friends are high profile church leaders, some of whom are my mates. Seriously though, just because we have ‘friends’ in common does that mean we should be friends?

In the last few weeks I have been defriended twice. Ironically neither of the people who defriended me were actually friends. More acquaintances and barely that. One who was an ex school student asked for some advice, which I gave. On a subsequent post some harsh words were spoken by this person about Christians & hypocrites blah blah blah… (you know the deal) and then I finished up being ‘defriended’. There was no communication. Just a click of a button and ‘goodbye’.

Then on the day Steve Jobs died a ‘friend’ posted ‘Steve Jobs invents new app called iDead’. I commented – ‘a bit soon?…’ , because I thought it was. The next thing I knew I had been yet again ‘de-friended’ and my comment deleted. (Obviously dissenting opinions were not welcome on this page) But now I’m wondering – when I see this person at the shops (because we live near each other) have I been defriended in real life or just online?… Do we ignore one another? What is the protocol?…

Or maybe facebook is more like real life than we would like to admit. Maybe this is how it works in our world. I have certainly seen plenty of people cut friendships at the slightest hint of disagreement. Unfortunately it only creates immature people who fail to grow and develop relationships of substance – because you can’t do that when you cut off everyone who disagrees with you.

So maybe facebook actually exposes us more than we realise… definitely time to delete that account…

4 thoughts on “De-Friended

  1. I have found facebook to be a weird medium when it comes to friendships. I have been de-friended a couple of times over the years but apparently this is common as people “clean up” their friends list as though they were decluttering. But I was confused recently when a long time “real life” friend whom I see frequently, de-friended me on fb. I never found out why and we never spoke about it. (Kind of awkward to bring up). So the cold shoulder went on for a few months and then evidently, one day I was forgiven. So we are now on good terms again but….the de-friending remains. I have no idea what the protocol is here. What does one do/say in this situation?

    • I actually contacted both people and asked why. Can’t say the answers were inspiring – more excuses for themselves. It’s the strange world we live in!

  2. I have never been de-friended.

    Admittedly, due to the fact that I’m not on FB, don’t look at FB, have no interest in FB and avoid all things FB, it probably isn’t as cool as I tried to make it sound…

    It seems a lot as tho people want to control things that they really have no business controlling, like your opinion or your faith.

    Weird… nice being a ‘friend’ when it suits and it’s all cool, but the quick-ditch-approach makes me wonder.

    Oh and Hammo, you’re right – it was a bit soon…

  3. great post Hamo….

    as a further thought, if we are truly a community as a church…what does it mean when someone leaves church…starts attending another…and does not say anything. What does that say about you and them?

    Perhaps the church leadership is dysfunctional. But perhaps also, when we breed a consumer mindset, people just think they can go to another ‘store’ when this one bores them.

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